Things are looking up.
I got excellent results in my college exams and that means I get to do my masters in September. Also, I recently got a job so I am feeling much better after my last blog post. Everything seems to be going well. However, I feel stuck. I am being told I need to go down one path for my career. You need to get a “real career” in order to have a great life. Start a family, get a home and then pursue your dreams. What does that even mean? Get a “real career”?! Does it mean for me to become a lawyer or a teacher? To follow the status quo and get a job just for the sake of security or what society deems a “real career.”
I want to have a career that is creatively stimulating. I just dont want to be stuck in a job that I dont want. And I feel like my plans for the future are going down that route. I watched the film, Still Alice and this scene resonated with me:
Recently, I feel like people are telling me what I should do with my life and a lot of their advice makes me feel nauseous. These future plans that are not my own. I just want to get out, get my own place, live my own life, instead of being told what to do.
One of my new years resolutions for 2018 is to send my work out and get published in magazines. I want to try and get published, establish myself in someway as a writer. That is my dream. I want to work as a full-time author which is an undesirable job. “You wont make money out of that”, “What if you are not good enough?”
Well I want to try. My journey is starting this year. As I work on the most important novel I have ever worked on, I am going to start sending out my work everywhere. I cant have this mentality that this wont work out if I dont, at least, try.
Thats what has been happening with me. I hope you are all doing well. It has been a bit of time since I last posted. The review took up too much time, so I decided to just post this. Let you know what has been happening with me. I shall have the review up in a few days. Thanks for being here. I appreciate it. Talk to you next time.
I am returning to you with a new update on the novel I am working on currently. It is going extremely slow. I cant find any inspiration at the moment. I havent written anything in a while and that sucks. I need to get back into that mindset and the only way to do that is through reading. I need to read a lot more. I have the time for it. I have a book lined up, ready for me to read. Its called Asking For It by Louise O’ Neill. I have heard great things about Louise and her work. I had this book for a while but never got around to reading it. I’m looking forward to reading it. I may do a review on it when I’m finished. But don’t expect that post to be up for another while. (I am a slow reader).
Currently, I have been stuck trying to find a job. I’m applying for everywhere and anything. Nothing. I don’t have that much experience so it puts me at a disadvantage. No one will give me a second look. But I cant find my through line. What will get someone interested? How can I get them to take a second look and ignore my CV? It has been hard and heart-breaking. Since I finished college, I have started my search for a job. So I havent been in the right state of mind to write. My plan is to submit my work to magazines and competitions this year, so to give myself a chance at building a portfolio for writing. I would love to live out my dream of being a full-time author or to work on a creative team for the arts. But that’s not the world we live in.
Anyway, enough of the sad parts. Not only have I been busy with life, I have also hit a slump with my novel. I’m stuck on a particular character and the form of my book. I got this crazy idea a few days ago. What if my novel was in the form of numerous short stories that connected with different characters or a particular place. I find my strength in writing is through short stories and in some way, I thought that a novel filled with short stories sounded like a good idea. Honestly, I don’t know if that particular format would work for the story I’m trying to tell. But it is definitely something worth thinking about.
As for the character, my story has many diverse characters with different struggles. However, this character has got me in a bit of a pickle. I feel like she is too one-dimensional. The idea for her came from the formation of a one-sided relationship. Her and a male character in the story share this strong bond, but she was always on the outside, looking in. She was forever out of his reach. They were close but also apart. For her character, I felt like she was coming off as a jealous and hateful person. Her whole character seems to centre on her male friend and that is not realistic. Her character just doesn’t seem to have depth and I know there is more to her. I just havent found her yet.
Struggles of being a writer.
I have been going through each character again to flush them out a bit more. I don’t want to just jump in and start writing when I have no idea where my characters are going. I have done that before and I failed miserably.
It hasn’t been a great couple of weeks. But somehow Ill get through it. The bad days will go and the good days will come back. This is just a slump that I will conquer. And I know writing will help. Just keep writing.