Struggling

I had a new blog post almost ready to post about tips for Nanowrimo, but some reason, WordPress wont let me edit it. So I decided to just do a post talking to you about what has been happening with me lately. I just saw that the last time I posted was the 18th of October. A whole month of not posting. I’m sorry about that, but I have been busy.

 

Some of you may remember that I am doing my Masters degree in college at the moment. It was been an enlightening experience, but awful at the same time. I’m in the 9th week of the 12 week semester and I have so much assignments due. I have a presentation in 2 weeks and 3 more essays due. Its rough. The last couple of weeks, I have been waking up early in the morning to spend my day, in the library and going to classes.

College is no longer fun. I have been feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. But I cant sleep, because work needs to be done. Also I work at the weekends, so college work is out of the question. I do a nine hour swift of work and all I want to do is sleep when I get home. Ive been praying everyday for the Christmas holidays to come. Thats how bad its gotten.

I also dont feel intelligent enough to be in this programme. I’m surrounded by these incredibly intelligent people and I feel like I’m just fumbling along. I use to feel confident in my academic field, but in the Masters, I feel inadequate.

 

The good news is I may have an idea for my Masters thesis. Thats good at least. Need to start early. Ill do a little research during the Christmas holidays, but not too much. Ill need to sleep for days, when the semester is over. To those who think that the Masters is an easy year in college and just want to procrastinate before going into the real world, the Masters will chew you up and spit you out, at that rate.

Sorry about the disappearing act. Ill try better to post, but I am going to be busy for the next few weeks. Be patient with me. I promise Ill post again soon. Hope ye had a nice day and Ill talk to you in the next post.

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Things that make me happy

I felt like doing a more personal blog post. I havent done too many personal posts on my blog, besides my poems. So I wanted to just write about the things in life that make me happy. I got the idea from Emma Blackery’s video “Things that make me happy.” Here is a link to it:

I thought it was a really nice blog idea so here it goes. The things that make me happy would be:

Tea

Image result for tea

First things first, I must talk about the love of my life: Tea. Very Irish, I know. But it is true. I adore a cup of tea in the mornings, before I start my day. Tea is my vice and a necessity. Coffee keeps other people awake, whereas I drink tea to stay awake. I know, there is not much caffeine in tea, but it still keeps me awake. It makes me happy and I cant imagine my life without it.

Writing/Reading

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This is an obvious one, but I love reading and writing. I place them in the same category, as you cant write without reading. Reading was what got me into writing, and if it wasn’t for books, I wouldn’t be writing today. I wouldn’t be writing a novel, and I wouldn’t have started this blog.

Kingdom Hearts 
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I think I might have mentioned this in a previous blog post, but Kingdom Hearts is my favourite game series of all time. Kingdom Heart 2 is my favourite game of all time. Its just…so good. I played the first game, when I was 11 years old. I had no interest in playing it, when I got it for Christmas that year. I didn’t like the cover of the game and it didn’t look cool. But I was bored and decided to play it. Im so happy I did. It was a convoluted but enthralling story. The characters are fantastic, and it has childhood nostalgia through the appearance of Disney characters in the games. However, it is not just a kids game. The story is so dark, so deep and sad, that itll leave you heart-broken towards the end. Kingdom Heart 2 is my favourite game, because of its darker storylines, such as the games intro. Playing these games brighten up my day, no matter what age I am. Now, Kingdom Hearts 3 is releasing soon, and Im so excited. Cant wait for the next instalment.

Dogs
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Always been a dog lover. Always will. I have grown up with dogs. They are so loyal, so kind and loving. How can you not love dogs? My favourite type of dog is a husky. Currently, I have a dog that is a cross between a Labrador and a husky, so my love for huskies is because of him. His name is Casper and my other dog is a cocker spaniel, named Milo. I love them to bits. I hope to get my own dog, when I live out on my own. Ill get my own husky, raise him and love him everyday. Cant wait for that.

Halloween

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Halloween is my favourite holiday. Christmas is amazing too, but I have a soft spot for Halloween. I dont trick or treat anymore, but I celebrate Halloween in my own way. I find the holiday a very comfortable day, but spooky at the same time. Last year, I watched the remake of the Evil Dead for Halloween. It was great. I have fond memories of Halloween, such as watching Monster House with my dad, going to school parties dressed as a witch and playing dunking for the apple. Its a fun holiday and Im delighted when it comes around every year.

Hot Chocolate (when done right)

In recent years, I started to love hot chocolate. However, I am still very picky on where I get my beverage. When I was a child, my mother used to make hot chocolate from the Cadburys chocolate powder or Aero chocolate powder. That made me hate hot chocolate for a while. But since going to Stanzas and other poetry readings, I get a cup at the cafés where the events are held. Some were good and some were bad. My favourite hot chocolates are from the cafes in Limerick, called Hook & Ladder and Insomnia. Just add whipped cream and a sprinkle of chocolate or a flake to dip with and I’m happy for the rest of the day.

Watching indie/any movies

Image result for the lord of the ringsImage result for clouds of sils maria

I love watching films. That was my thing, before reading took over. I wanted to become a film director. Thats how much I loved films. Just the feeling you get when you curl up on the couch and watch an amazing movie, is just so nice. Recently, I started watching more indie movies, instead of just blockbuster films. I love them, as they look more deeply into humanity, than blockbuster movies would. A good example would be Clouds of Sils Maria. This film focuses on an older actress played by Juliette Binoche, who is asked to act in a remake of a play she did when she was a young actress. This time, she is to play the older character in the story, while a new young actress plays her original role. The film explores the feeling of time passing, the differences in creative opinions and how that can destroy a relationship. This film got me into watching more artsy, indie films, as I was interested in films that creatively look at human life and human emotions, films that dive into deeper topics and give a real look at the issues of humanity. They are fascinating to watch and I may do a list down the line of indie films I recommend you watch.

Stanzas

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I have said this so many times, but ill say it again. I love Stanzas. It was the place that made me more confident in sharing my writing. It is such a welcoming place, for so many young writers. And even if youre not going to perform, it is just a nice place to chill, have a cup of tea and chat to new people. I made so many friends at Stanzas and I’m so grateful for what this event has done for me. I still go today and I dont see myself stopping anytime soon.

My family and my friends

And of course, the last thing that makes me happy is my family and friends. I have been through a lot these past 20 odd years, and I have to thank my family for being there for me throughout it all. I’m proud to say that I have amazing parents and supportive sisters, who I wouldn’t trade for anything. I love them to the moon and back. Always.

As for my friends, I havent had much luck with friends. People are very fickle and selfish beings, as I’ve come to understand these past few years. But I have a select few, who I trust immensely and I’m very lucky to have them. They have to put up with a lot of my crap, so I’m very thankful to them for that.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Let me know what makes you happy in the comments. Id love to know. I shall talk to you in the next post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is all we know

“You are disgusting,”

“You are vile,”

“Why don’t you just disappear?”

“Why don’t you just die?”

This is all we know.

Words so meaningless,

But escaping from the lips,

of you.

This is all we know.

Spitting out of spite,

Colours drained from,

Each other’s eyes.

“Kill yourself,”

“Just die.”

This is all we know.

War is seasoned,

Armies forged,

But battles ceased.

This is all we know.

Declaration of praise,

“You are the best,”

“You are amazing,”

“Don’t leave me,”

“I love you,”

(This is not what we know).

Take me back,

To the war,

To the backseat of your carriage,

Where words are so meaningless,

“You are not nothing.”

This is not what we know.

 

This is the first poem I have posted in a while. I cant remember when I wrote this. I associate this poem with a relationship so toxic. Words become punches and stabs. You no longer feel like yourself and those stabs just become normal. And when words of comfort come your way, you cant deal with it. You don’t believe them because all you have heard are the words, “kill yourself,” “you are not worth it.” Truth be told, I have these words replay in my mind all the time. Feeling of doubt, fear and mistrust. I have so many people in my life that I know I can trust, but there is always a part of me that is like, “There are no good people in this world” or “you are on your own.” I know I am in a ramble today but I don’t know. I just want you to know that you are not worthless or you don’t mean anything to anyone. I know that may sound cliché or derivative but its true. You mean a lot to someone and they will miss you when you are gone. I may need reminding all the time that I have people that care about me but I do know that I’m not always alone. When I need someone, I have someone who is there for me. I just wanted to post this poem because I just wanted you to know that you are worth it. You are not a nobody.

This post has been a bit all over the place. I hope you are having a great day and Ill talk to you in the next post x

I’m Back

To all my blog readers, I am back. Sorry I have been gone for a while. Why, may you ask? Partly because I am terrible at keeping a blog schedule and mostly because I have been writing my FYP. In your final year in college, you have to write a 9,000 to 13,000 word project on whatever topic you want. Should be fun, right? It was partly but it also involved a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Due to this project, I have not had the time to read and write for pleasure and that has been rough. I am proud of my project but I guess we will see when the results come out (crying on the inside).

However, I am now free. My project has been submitted and I am finally free to read, write and blog. I felt like restarting my blog again because I am about to embark on something that I am really looking forward to: writing my first proper novel. I have written a novel before, not a very good one and I haven’t laid my eyes on it for years. But this current project I am working on is near and dear to my heart. This story I feel will be the story I am most proud of. I think I have found what I want to write about. And since I have finished my FYP, I am planning on starting this journey of writing this novel and I am taking you along with me. Unfortunately, I won’t be sharing any of the story details on my blog, but I will be sharing the story behind the making of this novel. I will let you know the ups and downs while writing this novel, any tips I can give about writing etc. I shall also start up my old series again of favourite authors, among other things. I have a lot to talk about that I haven’t got a chance to. I am glad to be back. I hope you can stick with me throughout this journey and I intend to keep a proper posting schedule this time. Okay, I shall see you in the next post x

History

Wars seered into the memories,

Of the wounded, the broken and the warrior,

Or someone who possesses all three.

History makes up the past,

Spirits become mended,

And warriors rewarded with peace.

But sometimes, it seeps out

Of the pages of history books

And plague the present.

New enemies who produce the same horrors,

Or old enemies coming back

To break open old wounds,

Resurface memories rather left buried!

Why must history repeat itself?

Why endure the same horrors again,

Just with different players?

Who can be trusted?

Who will fight for the peace that was built?

And who will rather hide until the worst is over?

Time changes the warrior,

But it does not change the fate of war.

Will the warrior come out unscathed this time,

With just old wounds reopened?

Or will new wounds be made,

Lives lost and peace shattered?

Which shall it be?

I guess we will have to wait and see!

Poets in Music #1

Hey guys! I got a new series for you here. I found that music is a huge inspiration for my writing, the beat of music, the voices behind the song but most importantly, the lyrics. It is the lyrics that draw me into a song. They have to mean something to me for me to love it. And truthfully, musician’s songs are just like poetry, except their words must follow some sort of beat. They need a melody. But they are just like any other poet. I may not sing on a stage like them but we both have something in common; creation through words. So I have decided to start this series called “Poets in Music”. In each instalment, I will talk about a musician or musicians, either a solo artist or a band and talk about their beautiful lyrics. I will be mentioning several of my favourite artists, the ones who inspire my writing. However, I would love any other suggestions you guys have. If you can think of any great artists that write their own lyrics that inspire you and you want me to do a post on them, send me a comment. Okay, let’s start.

I am starting with an indie rock band called Bastille. They are a British band that consist of four members; Dan Smith, Chris ‘Woody’ Wood, Kyle Simmons and Will Farquarson. This band has a new and unique sound to it. Each member plays a number of different instruments and each of them has different roles to play for every song. With the use of synethisers in their music, it allows them to stand out. But what attracted me to them were their lyrics. Majority of their songs are written by the lead vocalist, Dan Smith. Their songs such as Bad Blood and Get Home, have a certain realism to them. Dan is talking about moments in his life where he experienced hardship and happiness. He puts that in each of his song lyrics. They make them very relatable and they draw you in, so you can hear more.

 

Bastille – Bad Blood

 

Another thing I found interesting thing about Dan’s songs was their tie with mythology and history. In their album, Bad Blood, they have two songs named Pompeii and Icarus. The song Pompeii obviously ties in with the historical event when the volcano, Mount Vesuvius erupted and covered the city of Pompeii under volcanic ash. He does place several images of that historical event in the song with lyrics such as “walls kept tumbling down in the city of love” and “great clouds over the hills bringing darkness from above”. However, the song isn’t really about the eruption. It is just a metaphor for life itself. He ties history in with his own experiences through his music.

 

 

Bastille – Pompeii

 

He even wrote a song that related to the trials and excitement of being a writer in his song, Poet. He discusses how through his writing, these moments, these people and words will live on in the pages he scribes.

Bastille – Poet

 

Their lyrics are authentic, their sound is authentic. None of it felt over produced. For me, I came for the lyrics. These guys inspired several of my short stories and poems. My sister introduced me to them and we went to several of their concerts. Bastille has some of my favourite song lyrics in some of my favourite songs. This year, they have a new album coming out. I can’t wait to hearing more of their music.

That’s all for this post. I will be posting again very soon. Hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you all having a great day! See you

Valentine’s Day

Hello. everyone. It is that time of year again, a day for the couples of the world. A few weeks back, i wrote a poem about VAlentine’s Day and i thought it would be fun to post it on the actual day. Hope everyone is having a great day with a box of chocolates beside them as they watch a soppy rom-com and enjoy the poem. This poem would be more for the cynics of the world. Enjoy

14th of February

Valentine’s Day!
The fated day,
Filled with roses,
Chocolates, kisses and
Long night of incessant fucking!!
Don’t get me wrong!
I don’t hate Valentine’s Day,
I would LOVE to receive roses
To pour acid on
I would LOVE to receive some kisses,
Lord knows if I’ll be good,
Or my mouth might as well be a washing machine.
And believe me,
I wouldn’t mind the fucking,
It would be glorious.
But I have no interest in any
Emotional connections that could come from it,
Furthermore, I see no participants in sight.
Merely just a box of Heroes,
And curled up to a good movie
(Preferably Chocolat)
Valentine’s Day is for the hopefuls,
Who dream in the prospects of love,
And new beginnings,
Which I once was.
But I wouldn’t say I am a cynic either.
I would LOVE to believe that,
Love exists.
But I would fear it,
Above all else.
I have enough shit to deal with,
Without being in love as well.
I mean, ill love him,
But would he love me?
If he does, GREAT
Will he be my soulmate?
Probably not!
Will he hurt me?
Most likely!
Valentine’s Day is for the lovers.
Not the singles!

A Dream

Hey, long time, no post. I havent been writing too much recently. I have been having a bit of writers block. This poem I am updating is based off a drama I have been watching called  Pinocchio. I loved the concept of the show, love the actors and the characters. This poem is inspired by the main relationship in the show. I recommend it. I am one episode away to finishing it and I dont want it to be over. Here is the poem:

Reality hit me like a canon,
Heartaches ensued and tragedies founded.
I was bitter
And alone,
Until I met you.
Your eyes brightened up my days,
Your smile warmed my heart.
Your inability to lie,
Allowed me to trust,
To trust you,
But most importantly, trust myself.
However, I could lie.
I could cheat,
And not feel sorry about any of it.
You, so pure,
So good,
So honest,
You were merely just a dream,
That I couldn’t contain.
You were a dream,
I didn’t want to wake up from.
You were my one good dream.
My other dreams,
So tainted and cold,
I couldn’t expose you to that.
I wanted you to stay pure,
To stay good.
Otherwise, it would destroy us both.
So i let you go.
I let my good dream go,
To protect you from the bad.
So you could share your honesty,
With someone who needs it,
Someone who deserves it,
For someone else you can call family

Cold

Hi. Sorry, I have been gone for a while. I have been doing exams and I havent been inspired lately. To be stuck in a runt that you cant get out of is tough and a pain in the ass. Its normal for a writer. Some days, you have no inspiration. This poem I wrote a while ago. I didnt know if I was going to post it or not. But here it is. I dedicate this poem to the people who have inner turmoils that they dont want to talk about. Please, dont be silent about your problems. That does more harm then good. Tell someone. Believe me, you will feel much better for it.

 

God has his priests and his kings,

He waits for you.

He waits for you to enter

His gates,

And to be with him.

Be filled with warmth,

To be happy.

All you need to do is let go.

A small incision,

Cold poison leaves your veins

And memories fade away.

Happy faces pass through your mind,

Forgettable faces.

Who was that I met on the bus today?

Who was that I met at that poetry reading?

Why do I keep remembering your deep blue eyes?

Or brown eyes?

Or green?

Then your face appears,

Deformed and

Filled with pits of darkness in your eyes.

“There is only you”

“And you are nothing”, the face speaks

With demonic sounds,

And wields a knife in their hand.

Just one action and it will be over.

I am human,

And no one cares.

I am me,

And no one cares.

The only place on Earth

Where anyone can truly be one,

Can truly care for each other,

Is in Heaven.

God has his priests and his kings.

He has waited for you.

“Welcome, my child” he speaks

As he crowns you in laurel leaves,

You are now his king.

Emotional Block

Strange! For once, my writing isn’t helping me. Let me explain. Recently, I have been having a lot personal problems lately. And I could always turn to my pen and paper and that writing will let it go away. That my feelings will escape from my heart and onto a piece of paper. The burden is gone. I have let my feelings out. I don’t have to keep it bottled up. But not this time. Recently, I was feeling down and I ended writing my first prose in months. After writing, I didn’t down anymore. I actually felt nothing! Just a numbness. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and watch a movie with hot chocolate. This has never happened to me before. I could always rely on my writing to get me out of a funk. I guess this time I am having more of an emotional block, than writers block. I rely a lot on my emotions for my writing. I guess I am feeling too much to even process what I am writing! Honestly, I don’t know. I just found it strange.

Anyway, hope ye are having a great weekend. Sorry, I haven’t been updating recently but ill try and get another post up soon enough. Until then, have a great week.