Work in Progress #4: Nanowrimo and Two Projects

It’s been a while since I did a Work in Progress post. For the first time in a long time, I feel like writing again and getting stuck in. Writing has always been my happy place and I need some happiness in my life right now. By the time I am writing and posting this, Mental Health day just passed.

I know a few people in my life have struggled with their mental health. This year, I’ve struggled with own mental health. I might talk about that in a later post. But all I want to say to the people struggling: you are a wonderful human being. Everyone struggles and its okay to ask for help. You are not burdening anyone with your own crap. People are there to help where they can. And if you don’t have those in your life, there are professional people you can talk to you, who can help with your struggles. You are an amazing human being and you are enough 💜

Now, as for my work in progress, I have not worked on anything since my last work in progress post. My thesis took over my life and there was no way I could write my book and my thesis at the same time. My thesis is finished, so I feel compelled to work on the projects I love. The two projects I have in mind are the poetry book and my novel. Could I do them back to back?

Who knows, but I have some poems written out for the poetry books and a possible title. Well, I have a running title for that project called, “Cherophobia” which means the fear of being happy. Yeah, very bleak but it probably will change as I write more. That is only in the beginning stages of writing. Any poem that comes to me, I put it in the book. I’ll figure out which poems belong in the book later. Some poems I’ve posted on my blog will feature in this book. I’m super excited about it and it’s really personal to me. It will delve into who I am as a person and into my complicated mindset. Once I work on it more, I’ll give some points on what the project will be. I just need to figure it out more.

But the project that I most excited about, is my novel. This project has been my mind and heart for many years and I have written about my progress with this book for so long. But I have never managed to get it off the ground. I have the plans, I have the ideas. But my drive to put pen to paper hasn’t been there. This year has been a really tough year and the thought of writing anything was just not possible. But now, I feel like writing this project is good for me. Writing has always been my safe space and the only place I can be completely honest. And I really need that at the moment.

So my plan is to take part in Nanowrimo this year and crack out the first draft of this novel. I’m excited but I’m also terrified. I want to try this but I’m also scared that I’ll give up half way through. But I think it’ll be a good idea. It’ll get me to sit down, and write the project I’ve always wanted to write. 50,000 words in a month. Let’s do this.

So my current plan is to sort out more of my planning. Go back through my old notes and plan out what I am going to do for this novel. From the 1st of November, I start writing my novel. No hesitations this time. I’m getting this done. It’ll be tough but I’m super excited. I hope you come along on this journey with me, because I’ll definitely be posting about it. I just need something to drive me on. I want to end 2019 on a high note, and this project will be that. I shall be updating you on my Nanowrimo experience and continue to blog on other stuff. Hope you enjoyed this update and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Where I’ve Been?

This is just going to be a short blog post. I feel bad that I have been absent on here for the past month and a bit. But its to be expected from everything that has happened. I am alright. It’s just that things have been hectic lately. College is hitting me hard with the amount of assignments and the thesis I have to write. I try to fit in time for some writing. However, I feel I wont be able to do it properly, until I finish my classes for this semester.

Along with college, the year has just turned into a really bad year. I’m trying to stay positive, but its hard when everything bad is hitting you all at once. I feel like blogging and writing can keep my mind off things, but I havent had the time or mentality to get back into it.

I will be back, but at the moment, I dont have the mindset to do it. I feel like when the stress of college gets lifted off my shoulders, Ill have a little room to give my mind and heart back to this blog. But at the moment, its been hard. I’m sorry for this weird post. I probably might delete it later. I just wanted to let you know that I am not doing great. And its okay to admit that.

But I will come back. I wont let this platform go anytime soon. I just wanted to be honest and let you know why I have been absent on my blog. I hope to talk to ye soon x

Struggling

I had a new blog post almost ready to post about tips for Nanowrimo, but some reason, WordPress wont let me edit it. So I decided to just do a post talking to you about what has been happening with me lately. I just saw that the last time I posted was the 18th of October. A whole month of not posting. I’m sorry about that, but I have been busy.

 

Some of you may remember that I am doing my Masters degree in college at the moment. It was been an enlightening experience, but awful at the same time. I’m in the 9th week of the 12 week semester and I have so much assignments due. I have a presentation in 2 weeks and 3 more essays due. Its rough. The last couple of weeks, I have been waking up early in the morning to spend my day, in the library and going to classes.

College is no longer fun. I have been feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. But I cant sleep, because work needs to be done. Also I work at the weekends, so college work is out of the question. I do a nine hour swift of work and all I want to do is sleep when I get home. Ive been praying everyday for the Christmas holidays to come. Thats how bad its gotten.

I also dont feel intelligent enough to be in this programme. I’m surrounded by these incredibly intelligent people and I feel like I’m just fumbling along. I use to feel confident in my academic field, but in the Masters, I feel inadequate.

 

The good news is I may have an idea for my Masters thesis. Thats good at least. Need to start early. Ill do a little research during the Christmas holidays, but not too much. Ill need to sleep for days, when the semester is over. To those who think that the Masters is an easy year in college and just want to procrastinate before going into the real world, the Masters will chew you up and spit you out, at that rate.

Sorry about the disappearing act. Ill try better to post, but I am going to be busy for the next few weeks. Be patient with me. I promise Ill post again soon. Hope ye had a nice day and Ill talk to you in the next post.

New project and college – A Work in Progress #3

Hey, I’m back with another update on my novel.

And….

Its not going well.

I havent written a single word on my novel and it frustrates me to no end. The problem is, I’m still stuck on the planning phase. I will be hitting a year of planning in November, and I havent written a single word.

Here what you need to know about me: I never plan anything out. When it comes to my writing, I come up with an idea and run with it. I dont stop to think, and I just write. It has usually worked out for me. However, after I took the creative writing class in college last year, I decided that I would plan this novel out. I shall sit down and think about it. This novel is so important to me. I wanted to do it right. But now, I feel unaccomplished.

I want to write it, but I dont have the nerve or inspirational drive to do it.

And now….

I have a new idea for a completely different project. The one thing I hate most of all about being a writer, is that your brain never stops thinking. It never stops imagining new possibilities to create. I dont want to move onto this new project without working on my novel. This novel is my baby, and it isn’t coming along as easily as I had hoped.

Plus, I’m back in college. I have finished my undergraduate and going into my Masters degree. I’m moving up in the world. But that means I’ll be working on my thesis next year, and I wont be able to write. I want to succeed in my academia and writing will affect that.

So….there it is. My life has become a little hectic lately. My novel has frozen in place, and this new project is eating away at me.

The new project is going to working on poetry, instead of a novel. I said I would never write a poetry book. Well, guess what. Its happening!!!! I have written a few poems already. Why not do two projects at once??

Write poetry, as well as, write my novel. Mhmm…but I dont have the time. We shall see, I suppose.

Thats my most recent update on my projects. I’m excited to be doing something new, by planning out a poetry book. However, I want my full attention on my novel and my studies. It has been difficult. I hope it will turn out well. Sorry for the short post today. I just felt like updating you on my progress. Since I’m back in college, blogging will be a little more difficult. I intend to continue blogging while in college. It shall be my escape during the tough days of college, however, I may miss a few days. So be patient with me. I will have something posted…eventually.

Why I Started Writing

When I started planning more blog posts, I realized I never talked about the beginning of my writing journey. You have to start somewhere 😂

My first memory of writing, was when I was eleven. I wrote a fanfiction based off my favourite game series, Kingdom Hearts. It was SO BAD!!! I tried to pretend that the whole novel idea wasn’t a carbon copy of my favourite stories. The character’s names were altered slightly from the main characters in Kingdom Hearts but it was obvious that they were still those characters. Instead of meeting Disney characters, my characters met Harry Potter characters. I cringe inside, just thinking about it. I learned then, I should create my own stories (mainly because my parents told my eleven year old self, that you would be caught for plagiarizing with my Kingdom Hearts based fanfiction).

 

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However, I learned from that first fanfiction. My parents claim I started writing even earlier than eleven years old. Thats impressive.

But I seriously started writing my own novels when I was thirteen. I remember that age because it was when I was a huge fan of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight books and I started my own vampire series (dont judge me!!)

But I actually feel like the story could have been interesting but I stopped writing, when I started despising the direction of my main character.

I planned and wrote many mini novels, as I didn’t know how to plot a real novel. I wrote them into my school copies which would have been around 150 pages in each. It was wonderful to have that avenue to escape. I found joy in my writing at that age.

I could make up brand new characters and place them in worlds I never dreamed of. It was wonderful, until other people got involved. My writing became a reason for people to play around and manipulate. Its really hard to explain, and I may talk about someday. But after a while, I had to hide my writing hobby from everyone. I wrote in private.

But, I hated that. I did love the privacy but I wanted people to read my stories. I wanted feedback on my work. So I set up my own Wattpad account. I know!!!

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I’m not going to tell you the name of my Wattpad account because it is too embarrassing. I dont want you to see that. However, Wattpad gave me an opportunity to share my stories with others. Also, I met many other people who shared my passion for writing. Some wrote short stories, others wrote poetry. Everything was at my disposal on Wattpad.

It was the only place where I felt I belonged. I was accepted as a writer on this website. I followed and read so many stories, that helped with my writing. (I may actually make a blog post about my favourite stories I read on Wattpad).

However, when I entered college, I found a new home for my writing: Stanzas.

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I have talked about Stanzas in previous blog posts. It holds amazing events for writers of all ages, to come and perform. This became my new home where I met so many other writers my age and I didn’t feel alone when it came to my writing. I made lifelong friends from Stanzas and they helped develop my writing skills. Since then, I’ve gotten a couple of my works published in Stanzas chapbooks.

Since then, I have kept writing in doses. Attending an English course in college, I never found the time to write. My blog helped with that.

 

Writersblockwhat gave me further practice, outside of college.

With my blog, I am attempting to further my writing career. Along with that, I am sending my works out to different publications. I am trying to better myself in my writing and hopefully, make a career out of it someday. It may be wishful thinking, but I’m going to try.

Thats where I stand, at this present time. I hope to see you in the next blog. Talk to you later x

 

Just Thinking (Update)

Things are looking up.

 

I got excellent results in my college exams and that means I get to do my masters in September. Also, I recently got a job so I am feeling much better after my last blog post. Everything seems to be going well. However, I feel stuck. I am being told I need to go down one path for my career. You need to get a “real career” in order to have a great life. Start a family, get a home and then pursue your dreams. What does that even mean? Get a “real career”?! Does it mean for me to become a lawyer or a teacher? To follow the status quo and get a job just for the sake of security or what society deems a “real career.”

I want to have a career that is creatively stimulating. I just dont want to be stuck in a job that I dont want. And I feel like my plans for the future are going down that route. I watched the film, Still Alice and this scene resonated with me:

 

Recently, I feel like people are telling me what I should do with my life and a lot of their advice makes me feel nauseous. These future plans that are not my own. I just want to get out, get my own place, live my own life, instead of being told what to do.

One of my new years resolutions for 2018 is to send my work out and get published in magazines. I want to try and get published, establish myself in someway as a writer. That is my dream. I want to work as a full-time author which is an undesirable job. “You wont make money out of that”, “What if you are not good enough?”

Well I want to try. My journey is starting this year. As I work on the most important novel I have ever worked on, I am going to start sending out my work everywhere. I cant have this mentality that this wont work out if I dont, at least, try.

Thats what has been happening with me. I hope you are all doing well. It has been a bit of time since I last posted. The review took up too much time, so I decided to just post this. Let you know what has been happening with me. I shall have the review up in a few days. Thanks for being here. I appreciate it. Talk to you next time.

The End of an Era: A Work in Progress #1

Today, I submitted the last round of work I needed for college. I’m officially finished college. 4 years has really gone by. I am excited for this new path in my life, however, I am also sad. It is the end of an era. Ill be saying goodbye to the good old days, to the friends I made these past 4 years and see where life takes me. 4 years of my life gone in a flash. Ill miss it.

But when one doors closes, another opens. Now that I have finished my last year of college, I can now start my novel. It has been a long time coming and I am so excited to start this new task. From now on, I shall post every couple of weeks or so with updates on my novel: what progress have I made? What struggles I have been facing and any advice I can give to any aspiring writers who wish to do the same?

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My novel has been a long time coming. The original premise for the story came when I was in my 5th year of secondary school (high school). I started developing and writing the story during my last year of secondary school, at the end of my teenage years. However, the novel became a project of my own anger. Whenever I looked at it, it reminded me how much I hated what it was, what it represented. So….I put it on hold.

 

I knew I would come back to it down the line, when I was less angry and became more mature. The renewal of this idea came to me last October or November during the time I was doing my FYP. I really wanted to go back to the drawing board and create a new story off the same premise. Whether itll work or not, that remains to be seen, but I feel like this novel may be the one I have been wanting to write. All my other novels have always felt like I was writing it for entertainment reasons. There was never a purpose or meaning to it. Its not that I didn’t like my other novel ideas. I love them and I want to start them again. But I just felt like they had nothing to offer to me in terms meaning or influence. I wanted to write something that would mean a lot to me so I can inspire myself further and inspire other people (if anyone will ever get to read someday).

And I feel this novel is it.

Since November of last year, I have flushed out the central characters of the story. I have their backstories, motives and personalities. The plot, itself, needs more planning. I have certain things that need to happen in the story thought out but I need to fill in the rest of the blanks. However, I had to stop before I could do that due to college work (look at my “On Hold” post). Now that I have finished college, I can start up the process again. I hope to keep you updated with my journey and I hope you stick with me as I go on with this novel. I probably wont tell you what the novel will be about, but Ill give some details about it along the way.

First detail: The novel will be set in Limerick City, Ireland.

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I hope to see you in the next post. I might post a couple more blog posts this week since I have more time on my hands. We shall see. Talk to you next time.

On Hold

Writing has been slow. Actually, I lie. It has not moved at all. I have been passionate about this novel idea for the past several months. However, I have been unable to buckle down with my pen and paper to write it down. Begin this journey that I have been dying to do. But everything gets in the way.

 

First, my final year project (FYP).

 

I got the idea for my novel in the cusp of writing my FYP. I had no time to stop my project to write this idea I have. So I pushed it off. I have been taking down notes and slowly planning my novel. But I didn’t plan that much. My FYP took up all of my time, my energy and my passion. If this project is meant to be the major part of my final grade this semester, I will work my hardest to get the best grade I can. So 99.9% of my attention has been on my FYP until I submitted it on March 1st.

 

Second, the last half of my college semester.

 

After my FYP was submitted, i took a week of rest where I could relax and enjoy the peace. However, that didn’t mean the work stopped. The rest of the semester came and the rest of the assignments came with it. Essay after essay after essay have been piling on and I haven’t had time since my FYP has been finished. Ah well, the work has to be done and I don’t have long left before I am finished for the semester.

 

Lastly, my final year of college.

 

I cant believe it has been 4 years already. It went so fast and met so many incredible people. I only have 2 weeks left in college and 1 more exam, then I am finished. I am graduating and that is an odd sensation or fact to comprehend. Life will go on but Ill miss those college days. I truly met some amazing people and I hope to keep them in my life as we all achieve success in our careers. So it has been a strange year for me as my college days come to the end. I hope to be back to do a Masters next year but it wont be the same. My focus is currently working hard to get the best grades so I can continue my studies in my Masters degree.

My novel has been put on hold until I can sort out my college first. I will be finished in 2 to 3 weeks so I hope to start up my novel then. I hope to finish my planning and start writing very soon after college finishes. I hope to have you on this journey with me. But for now, Ill post more stuff on my blog. Word on the novel wont come until the summertime. Stay tuned for the blogs I will be posting for the next few weeks and let me know what you think. Until next time, I hope to see you there.

I’m Back

To all my blog readers, I am back. Sorry I have been gone for a while. Why, may you ask? Partly because I am terrible at keeping a blog schedule and mostly because I have been writing my FYP. In your final year in college, you have to write a 9,000 to 13,000 word project on whatever topic you want. Should be fun, right? It was partly but it also involved a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Due to this project, I have not had the time to read and write for pleasure and that has been rough. I am proud of my project but I guess we will see when the results come out (crying on the inside).

However, I am now free. My project has been submitted and I am finally free to read, write and blog. I felt like restarting my blog again because I am about to embark on something that I am really looking forward to: writing my first proper novel. I have written a novel before, not a very good one and I haven’t laid my eyes on it for years. But this current project I am working on is near and dear to my heart. This story I feel will be the story I am most proud of. I think I have found what I want to write about. And since I have finished my FYP, I am planning on starting this journey of writing this novel and I am taking you along with me. Unfortunately, I won’t be sharing any of the story details on my blog, but I will be sharing the story behind the making of this novel. I will let you know the ups and downs while writing this novel, any tips I can give about writing etc. I shall also start up my old series again of favourite authors, among other things. I have a lot to talk about that I haven’t got a chance to. I am glad to be back. I hope you can stick with me throughout this journey and I intend to keep a proper posting schedule this time. Okay, I shall see you in the next post x

College Work! HELP!!!

“College is going to be great”, “they said! Its going to be easy”, they said! All lies! I am in my second year of college and shit just got real. Its half way through my first semester and I can feel the heat. Three assignments due each week and winter exams are coming up. And there is a social life I must contend with. How am I supposed to plan all of these things out?? And my family seems to think I have it easy and when I do tell them that I have no time to do anything except my college work, they sigh.

What sprouted this post is that yesterday morning after doing a couple hours work in the wee hours of the morning, I decided to eat some tea and toast and watch Dark Obsessions for a break. The minute my mum came into the sitting room and saw me watching television, she said, “I thought you had college work to do”. I am already stressed enough, mum. I don’t need you to stress me out even more! I haven’t even had the energy to write these couple of weeks. It has become a problem. The last time I wrote something was a week before my birthday in October and I am going to perform that at the next Stanzas. Im excited for that because that will be one night where I can forget all the mounting college work I have to do! Bright side of all of this: I have only 2-3 weeks left in college! CHRISTMAS!!!

Sorry about this post. I just needed to rant. I will post as soon as the majority of my work has died down. Have a great day everyone! See yee in the next post