Struggling

I had a new blog post almost ready to post about tips for Nanowrimo, but some reason, WordPress wont let me edit it. So I decided to just do a post talking to you about what has been happening with me lately. I just saw that the last time I posted was the 18th of October. A whole month of not posting. I’m sorry about that, but I have been busy.

 

Some of you may remember that I am doing my Masters degree in college at the moment. It was been an enlightening experience, but awful at the same time. I’m in the 9th week of the 12 week semester and I have so much assignments due. I have a presentation in 2 weeks and 3 more essays due. Its rough. The last couple of weeks, I have been waking up early in the morning to spend my day, in the library and going to classes.

College is no longer fun. I have been feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. But I cant sleep, because work needs to be done. Also I work at the weekends, so college work is out of the question. I do a nine hour swift of work and all I want to do is sleep when I get home. Ive been praying everyday for the Christmas holidays to come. Thats how bad its gotten.

I also dont feel intelligent enough to be in this programme. I’m surrounded by these incredibly intelligent people and I feel like I’m just fumbling along. I use to feel confident in my academic field, but in the Masters, I feel inadequate.

 

The good news is I may have an idea for my Masters thesis. Thats good at least. Need to start early. Ill do a little research during the Christmas holidays, but not too much. Ill need to sleep for days, when the semester is over. To those who think that the Masters is an easy year in college and just want to procrastinate before going into the real world, the Masters will chew you up and spit you out, at that rate.

Sorry about the disappearing act. Ill try better to post, but I am going to be busy for the next few weeks. Be patient with me. I promise Ill post again soon. Hope ye had a nice day and Ill talk to you in the next post.

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Just Thinking (Update)

Things are looking up.

 

I got excellent results in my college exams and that means I get to do my masters in September. Also, I recently got a job so I am feeling much better after my last blog post. Everything seems to be going well. However, I feel stuck. I am being told I need to go down one path for my career. You need to get a “real career” in order to have a great life. Start a family, get a home and then pursue your dreams. What does that even mean? Get a “real career”?! Does it mean for me to become a lawyer or a teacher? To follow the status quo and get a job just for the sake of security or what society deems a “real career.”

I want to have a career that is creatively stimulating. I just dont want to be stuck in a job that I dont want. And I feel like my plans for the future are going down that route. I watched the film, Still Alice and this scene resonated with me:

 

Recently, I feel like people are telling me what I should do with my life and a lot of their advice makes me feel nauseous. These future plans that are not my own. I just want to get out, get my own place, live my own life, instead of being told what to do.

One of my new years resolutions for 2018 is to send my work out and get published in magazines. I want to try and get published, establish myself in someway as a writer. That is my dream. I want to work as a full-time author which is an undesirable job. “You wont make money out of that”, “What if you are not good enough?”

Well I want to try. My journey is starting this year. As I work on the most important novel I have ever worked on, I am going to start sending out my work everywhere. I cant have this mentality that this wont work out if I dont, at least, try.

Thats what has been happening with me. I hope you are all doing well. It has been a bit of time since I last posted. The review took up too much time, so I decided to just post this. Let you know what has been happening with me. I shall have the review up in a few days. Thanks for being here. I appreciate it. Talk to you next time.

The End of an Era: A Work in Progress #1

Today, I submitted the last round of work I needed for college. I’m officially finished college. 4 years has really gone by. I am excited for this new path in my life, however, I am also sad. It is the end of an era. Ill be saying goodbye to the good old days, to the friends I made these past 4 years and see where life takes me. 4 years of my life gone in a flash. Ill miss it.

But when one doors closes, another opens. Now that I have finished my last year of college, I can now start my novel. It has been a long time coming and I am so excited to start this new task. From now on, I shall post every couple of weeks or so with updates on my novel: what progress have I made? What struggles I have been facing and any advice I can give to any aspiring writers who wish to do the same?

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My novel has been a long time coming. The original premise for the story came when I was in my 5th year of secondary school (high school). I started developing and writing the story during my last year of secondary school, at the end of my teenage years. However, the novel became a project of my own anger. Whenever I looked at it, it reminded me how much I hated what it was, what it represented. So….I put it on hold.

 

I knew I would come back to it down the line, when I was less angry and became more mature. The renewal of this idea came to me last October or November during the time I was doing my FYP. I really wanted to go back to the drawing board and create a new story off the same premise. Whether itll work or not, that remains to be seen, but I feel like this novel may be the one I have been wanting to write. All my other novels have always felt like I was writing it for entertainment reasons. There was never a purpose or meaning to it. Its not that I didn’t like my other novel ideas. I love them and I want to start them again. But I just felt like they had nothing to offer to me in terms meaning or influence. I wanted to write something that would mean a lot to me so I can inspire myself further and inspire other people (if anyone will ever get to read someday).

And I feel this novel is it.

Since November of last year, I have flushed out the central characters of the story. I have their backstories, motives and personalities. The plot, itself, needs more planning. I have certain things that need to happen in the story thought out but I need to fill in the rest of the blanks. However, I had to stop before I could do that due to college work (look at my “On Hold” post). Now that I have finished college, I can start up the process again. I hope to keep you updated with my journey and I hope you stick with me as I go on with this novel. I probably wont tell you what the novel will be about, but Ill give some details about it along the way.

First detail: The novel will be set in Limerick City, Ireland.

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I hope to see you in the next post. I might post a couple more blog posts this week since I have more time on my hands. We shall see. Talk to you next time.

On Hold

Writing has been slow. Actually, I lie. It has not moved at all. I have been passionate about this novel idea for the past several months. However, I have been unable to buckle down with my pen and paper to write it down. Begin this journey that I have been dying to do. But everything gets in the way.

 

First, my final year project (FYP).

 

I got the idea for my novel in the cusp of writing my FYP. I had no time to stop my project to write this idea I have. So I pushed it off. I have been taking down notes and slowly planning my novel. But I didn’t plan that much. My FYP took up all of my time, my energy and my passion. If this project is meant to be the major part of my final grade this semester, I will work my hardest to get the best grade I can. So 99.9% of my attention has been on my FYP until I submitted it on March 1st.

 

Second, the last half of my college semester.

 

After my FYP was submitted, i took a week of rest where I could relax and enjoy the peace. However, that didn’t mean the work stopped. The rest of the semester came and the rest of the assignments came with it. Essay after essay after essay have been piling on and I haven’t had time since my FYP has been finished. Ah well, the work has to be done and I don’t have long left before I am finished for the semester.

 

Lastly, my final year of college.

 

I cant believe it has been 4 years already. It went so fast and met so many incredible people. I only have 2 weeks left in college and 1 more exam, then I am finished. I am graduating and that is an odd sensation or fact to comprehend. Life will go on but Ill miss those college days. I truly met some amazing people and I hope to keep them in my life as we all achieve success in our careers. So it has been a strange year for me as my college days come to the end. I hope to be back to do a Masters next year but it wont be the same. My focus is currently working hard to get the best grades so I can continue my studies in my Masters degree.

My novel has been put on hold until I can sort out my college first. I will be finished in 2 to 3 weeks so I hope to start up my novel then. I hope to finish my planning and start writing very soon after college finishes. I hope to have you on this journey with me. But for now, Ill post more stuff on my blog. Word on the novel wont come until the summertime. Stay tuned for the blogs I will be posting for the next few weeks and let me know what you think. Until next time, I hope to see you there.

College Work! HELP!!!

“College is going to be great”, “they said! Its going to be easy”, they said! All lies! I am in my second year of college and shit just got real. Its half way through my first semester and I can feel the heat. Three assignments due each week and winter exams are coming up. And there is a social life I must contend with. How am I supposed to plan all of these things out?? And my family seems to think I have it easy and when I do tell them that I have no time to do anything except my college work, they sigh.

What sprouted this post is that yesterday morning after doing a couple hours work in the wee hours of the morning, I decided to eat some tea and toast and watch Dark Obsessions for a break. The minute my mum came into the sitting room and saw me watching television, she said, “I thought you had college work to do”. I am already stressed enough, mum. I don’t need you to stress me out even more! I haven’t even had the energy to write these couple of weeks. It has become a problem. The last time I wrote something was a week before my birthday in October and I am going to perform that at the next Stanzas. Im excited for that because that will be one night where I can forget all the mounting college work I have to do! Bright side of all of this: I have only 2-3 weeks left in college! CHRISTMAS!!!

Sorry about this post. I just needed to rant. I will post as soon as the majority of my work has died down. Have a great day everyone! See yee in the next post