My 2019

The new year is coming up so I felt compelled to talk about my 2019. I see everyone celebrate the best parts of their year. Oh, I got my dream job or I met the man of my dreams. And I could do the same. I got accepted into my Masters programme and wrote one of the hardest projects of my life. I started writing for myself again and felt comfortable enough to blog again.

However, 2019 was the darkest year of my life and I want to talk about it. Now, some people will probably think: oh, you should think positively about the year and stop letting negativity into your life. Let go of the negative and let in the positive. I dont feel positive about this year, but you know what…let’s give it ago.


Negative: a corrupt system tried to destroy an innocent family

Positive: the family still have each other

I wont go into too much detail about this. But yeah, I had a lot of stuff with my family this year. It made it unbearable to be at home and I wanted to escape. I used college and my friends as my way to leave the house whenever I could. Since that negative force has left our lives, my family has become calmer. A weight had been lifted and we just want to be left alone. We went through something that no one should have to go through. But we got through it together. I appreciate my family so much more after our experience this year. I love them so much.


Negative: a bad year to start a relationship

Positive: I still have that person in my life

To open yourself up to someone, that is tough. This year, I experienced the first simbalence of a relationship. It was great, then it wasnt great. It was with one of my best friends, which seems perfect. But all good things must come to an end. It was painful and a learning curve. But I dont regret it. The best part to come out of this, is that we are still friends. That was my biggest fear about that relationship. I didnt want what we have to be affected. I still care about this person and I didnt want anything to come between our friendship. I consider them my best friend and we have been there for each other in the darkest of times. I  hope we can still be that way now. We are getting there bit by bit, but this relationship came at the worst time of both our lives. But we are still there as friends, just as we’ve always been and should be.


Negative: my Masters programme was the worst experience of my college career

Positive: I managed to complete a 15,000 word project that I had a genuine interest in and I’m graduating

When I submitted my thesis on the 16th of September, a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. To finish such a massive project, it almost brought me to tears. With everything that was going on at home, I thought I would never get to that point. I even considered extending my submission date. To give myself more time to process everything. But I’m so happy I got through it. I dont know if I would do it again, but it was a fascinating experience in my life. I waited three months for my results. It was excruciating and I feared the worst. With everything happening at home and in my personal life, I didnt have the motivation to write my thesis. I was sure that I failed. But when I found out I passed, I couldn’t believe it. It added so much to that feeling I had when I submitted my dissertation. A heavy weight lifted off my shoulders and pure joy.


Negative: a close friend betrayed me

Positive: I got rid of someone toxic in my life

This close friend of mine was a constant stress in my life, but I never let go. I thought they were contributing something to my life and I didnt want to let that go. A four year long friendship gone in an instant. I’m glad to have separated myself from this person, but they left a lot of chaos behind. They betrayed my trust and hurt someone I really cared about. That was unforgivable. I’m still trying to move on from the pain this one person caused, but I’m slowly getting there. I’m happy to have cut that toxic person out of my life and keep my real friends closer.

My 2019 had a lot of downs. Sometimes, it’s hard to see the ups when you are constantly hit with hard times. Everytime I had a calm, happy moment, it was shot down by something horrible. A horrible phone call or a heartbreaking message could lead to a horrible day or month. But I cant help but think of the good times. The times I met with my friends. They picked me up when I was down. I cant help, but feel grateful to them for making my 2019 a little better. And even though our relationship ended, you made a part of my 2019 really special. It’s hard to lose a close friend, but it taught me who my real friends were. No real friend could do what you did. I’m also so grateful to my strong, resourceful family. We have been through hell and back for many years. It culminated this year and I thought we wouldnt survive it. We are still going strong into 2020, so I guess you cant kill a good thing. My 2019 was filled with horrible tragedies, missed opportunities and heartbreaks. But 2020 will be better. I feel like moving forward with the people i love and leave the bad stuff behind. Instead I want to a new perspective to my life. New year, new me. I guess well have to wait and see. This will be my last post of 2019 so I wanted to leave on a happy note. Here are some of my happy memories from this year. See you in 2020.



Collage 2019-12-24 21_31_55

Things that make me happy

I felt like doing a more personal blog post. I havent done too many personal posts on my blog, besides my poems. So I wanted to just write about the things in life that make me happy. I got the idea from Emma Blackery’s video “Things that make me happy.” Here is a link to it:

I thought it was a really nice blog idea so here it goes. The things that make me happy would be:


Image result for tea

First things first, I must talk about the love of my life: Tea. Very Irish, I know. But it is true. I adore a cup of tea in the mornings, before I start my day. Tea is my vice and a necessity. Coffee keeps other people awake, whereas I drink tea to stay awake. I know, there is not much caffeine in tea, but it still keeps me awake. It makes me happy and I cant imagine my life without it.


Image result for books

This is an obvious one, but I love reading and writing. I place them in the same category, as you cant write without reading. Reading was what got me into writing, and if it wasn’t for books, I wouldn’t be writing today. I wouldn’t be writing a novel, and I wouldn’t have started this blog.

Kingdom Hearts 
Related image

I think I might have mentioned this in a previous blog post, but Kingdom Hearts is my favourite game series of all time. Kingdom Heart 2 is my favourite game of all time. Its just…so good. I played the first game, when I was 11 years old. I had no interest in playing it, when I got it for Christmas that year. I didn’t like the cover of the game and it didn’t look cool. But I was bored and decided to play it. Im so happy I did. It was a convoluted but enthralling story. The characters are fantastic, and it has childhood nostalgia through the appearance of Disney characters in the games. However, it is not just a kids game. The story is so dark, so deep and sad, that itll leave you heart-broken towards the end. Kingdom Heart 2 is my favourite game, because of its darker storylines, such as the games intro. Playing these games brighten up my day, no matter what age I am. Now, Kingdom Hearts 3 is releasing soon, and Im so excited. Cant wait for the next instalment.

Image result for husky

Always been a dog lover. Always will. I have grown up with dogs. They are so loyal, so kind and loving. How can you not love dogs? My favourite type of dog is a husky. Currently, I have a dog that is a cross between a Labrador and a husky, so my love for huskies is because of him. His name is Casper and my other dog is a cocker spaniel, named Milo. I love them to bits. I hope to get my own dog, when I live out on my own. Ill get my own husky, raise him and love him everyday. Cant wait for that.


Image result for halloween

Halloween is my favourite holiday. Christmas is amazing too, but I have a soft spot for Halloween. I dont trick or treat anymore, but I celebrate Halloween in my own way. I find the holiday a very comfortable day, but spooky at the same time. Last year, I watched the remake of the Evil Dead for Halloween. It was great. I have fond memories of Halloween, such as watching Monster House with my dad, going to school parties dressed as a witch and playing dunking for the apple. Its a fun holiday and Im delighted when it comes around every year.

Hot Chocolate (when done right)

In recent years, I started to love hot chocolate. However, I am still very picky on where I get my beverage. When I was a child, my mother used to make hot chocolate from the Cadburys chocolate powder or Aero chocolate powder. That made me hate hot chocolate for a while. But since going to Stanzas and other poetry readings, I get a cup at the cafés where the events are held. Some were good and some were bad. My favourite hot chocolates are from the cafes in Limerick, called Hook & Ladder and Insomnia. Just add whipped cream and a sprinkle of chocolate or a flake to dip with and I’m happy for the rest of the day.

Watching indie/any movies

Image result for the lord of the ringsImage result for clouds of sils maria

I love watching films. That was my thing, before reading took over. I wanted to become a film director. Thats how much I loved films. Just the feeling you get when you curl up on the couch and watch an amazing movie, is just so nice. Recently, I started watching more indie movies, instead of just blockbuster films. I love them, as they look more deeply into humanity, than blockbuster movies would. A good example would be Clouds of Sils Maria. This film focuses on an older actress played by Juliette Binoche, who is asked to act in a remake of a play she did when she was a young actress. This time, she is to play the older character in the story, while a new young actress plays her original role. The film explores the feeling of time passing, the differences in creative opinions and how that can destroy a relationship. This film got me into watching more artsy, indie films, as I was interested in films that creatively look at human life and human emotions, films that dive into deeper topics and give a real look at the issues of humanity. They are fascinating to watch and I may do a list down the line of indie films I recommend you watch.


Image result for stanzas limerick

I have said this so many times, but ill say it again. I love Stanzas. It was the place that made me more confident in sharing my writing. It is such a welcoming place, for so many young writers. And even if youre not going to perform, it is just a nice place to chill, have a cup of tea and chat to new people. I made so many friends at Stanzas and I’m so grateful for what this event has done for me. I still go today and I dont see myself stopping anytime soon.

My family and my friends

And of course, the last thing that makes me happy is my family and friends. I have been through a lot these past 20 odd years, and I have to thank my family for being there for me throughout it all. I’m proud to say that I have amazing parents and supportive sisters, who I wouldn’t trade for anything. I love them to the moon and back. Always.

As for my friends, I havent had much luck with friends. People are very fickle and selfish beings, as I’ve come to understand these past few years. But I have a select few, who I trust immensely and I’m very lucky to have them. They have to put up with a lot of my crap, so I’m very thankful to them for that.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Let me know what makes you happy in the comments. Id love to know. I shall talk to you in the next post.










Valentine’s Day

Hello. everyone. It is that time of year again, a day for the couples of the world. A few weeks back, i wrote a poem about VAlentine’s Day and i thought it would be fun to post it on the actual day. Hope everyone is having a great day with a box of chocolates beside them as they watch a soppy rom-com and enjoy the poem. This poem would be more for the cynics of the world. Enjoy

14th of February

Valentine’s Day!
The fated day,
Filled with roses,
Chocolates, kisses and
Long night of incessant fucking!!
Don’t get me wrong!
I don’t hate Valentine’s Day,
I would LOVE to receive roses
To pour acid on
I would LOVE to receive some kisses,
Lord knows if I’ll be good,
Or my mouth might as well be a washing machine.
And believe me,
I wouldn’t mind the fucking,
It would be glorious.
But I have no interest in any
Emotional connections that could come from it,
Furthermore, I see no participants in sight.
Merely just a box of Heroes,
And curled up to a good movie
(Preferably Chocolat)
Valentine’s Day is for the hopefuls,
Who dream in the prospects of love,
And new beginnings,
Which I once was.
But I wouldn’t say I am a cynic either.
I would LOVE to believe that,
Love exists.
But I would fear it,
Above all else.
I have enough shit to deal with,
Without being in love as well.
I mean, ill love him,
But would he love me?
If he does, GREAT
Will he be my soulmate?
Probably not!
Will he hurt me?
Most likely!
Valentine’s Day is for the lovers.
Not the singles!

A Dream

Hey, long time, no post. I havent been writing too much recently. I have been having a bit of writers block. This poem I am updating is based off a drama I have been watching called  Pinocchio. I loved the concept of the show, love the actors and the characters. This poem is inspired by the main relationship in the show. I recommend it. I am one episode away to finishing it and I dont want it to be over. Here is the poem:

Reality hit me like a canon,
Heartaches ensued and tragedies founded.
I was bitter
And alone,
Until I met you.
Your eyes brightened up my days,
Your smile warmed my heart.
Your inability to lie,
Allowed me to trust,
To trust you,
But most importantly, trust myself.
However, I could lie.
I could cheat,
And not feel sorry about any of it.
You, so pure,
So good,
So honest,
You were merely just a dream,
That I couldn’t contain.
You were a dream,
I didn’t want to wake up from.
You were my one good dream.
My other dreams,
So tainted and cold,
I couldn’t expose you to that.
I wanted you to stay pure,
To stay good.
Otherwise, it would destroy us both.
So i let you go.
I let my good dream go,
To protect you from the bad.
So you could share your honesty,
With someone who needs it,
Someone who deserves it,
For someone else you can call family


Hi. Sorry, I have been gone for a while. I have been doing exams and I havent been inspired lately. To be stuck in a runt that you cant get out of is tough and a pain in the ass. Its normal for a writer. Some days, you have no inspiration. This poem I wrote a while ago. I didnt know if I was going to post it or not. But here it is. I dedicate this poem to the people who have inner turmoils that they dont want to talk about. Please, dont be silent about your problems. That does more harm then good. Tell someone. Believe me, you will feel much better for it.


God has his priests and his kings,

He waits for you.

He waits for you to enter

His gates,

And to be with him.

Be filled with warmth,

To be happy.

All you need to do is let go.

A small incision,

Cold poison leaves your veins

And memories fade away.

Happy faces pass through your mind,

Forgettable faces.

Who was that I met on the bus today?

Who was that I met at that poetry reading?

Why do I keep remembering your deep blue eyes?

Or brown eyes?

Or green?

Then your face appears,

Deformed and

Filled with pits of darkness in your eyes.

“There is only you”

“And you are nothing”, the face speaks

With demonic sounds,

And wields a knife in their hand.

Just one action and it will be over.

I am human,

And no one cares.

I am me,

And no one cares.

The only place on Earth

Where anyone can truly be one,

Can truly care for each other,

Is in Heaven.

God has his priests and his kings.

He has waited for you.

“Welcome, my child” he speaks

As he crowns you in laurel leaves,

You are now his king.

Emotional Block

Strange! For once, my writing isn’t helping me. Let me explain. Recently, I have been having a lot personal problems lately. And I could always turn to my pen and paper and that writing will let it go away. That my feelings will escape from my heart and onto a piece of paper. The burden is gone. I have let my feelings out. I don’t have to keep it bottled up. But not this time. Recently, I was feeling down and I ended writing my first prose in months. After writing, I didn’t down anymore. I actually felt nothing! Just a numbness. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and watch a movie with hot chocolate. This has never happened to me before. I could always rely on my writing to get me out of a funk. I guess this time I am having more of an emotional block, than writers block. I rely a lot on my emotions for my writing. I guess I am feeling too much to even process what I am writing! Honestly, I don’t know. I just found it strange.

Anyway, hope ye are having a great weekend. Sorry, I haven’t been updating recently but ill try and get another post up soon enough. Until then, have a great week.

Medals of Honour

I wouldn’t say this is my best poem but I’m proud of it at the same time! I dedicate this poem to those people who believe that their problems or struggles are not big enough to tell anyone or to the ones that just don’t have anyone in their lives that listens/understands these problems! Enjoy and see ye in the next post.


Deemed with tokens of war,

For all the battles I have faced.

Given such rewards is an honour.

I should be proud of these

But I am not!

They symbolise my battles,

But battles I have not won.

They just cover up my mistakes,

My failures

And my scars.

I am no war hero.

I was just a pawn that came out

The other end.

True heroes come across my path,

They deserve such tokens I was given

For their bravery and sacrifices.

I’m ashamed to tell my war stories.

I am not worthy enough to tell

Such stories.

My scars, misunderstood and

Deemed minuscule.

But I’d gladly take away the pain

Of these heroes

So that they can breathe again

And fight another day.

The Anomaly

New poem updated 🙂 Enjoy

You caused no major disruptions,

Kept to yourself.

Until you started to open up,

Let the demons haunting you out,

Trusting others with your thoughts

And undefined emotions.

You were a strange creature,

I felt you were misunderstood!


You called yourself an “anomaly”.

That’s one way of putting it.

You were invisible in people’s sights,

But once we saw you, you became


Your unique gazes turned manic

It led to your desire for payback!

I bit back with a vengeance,

But I could barely form a sentence!

I froze and lost the battle

Against a modern day Hitler!

I was left with the memories

Of our interactions,

Of the moments of clarity,

Of purity.

And knowing that they were the lies

That led to my breakdown.

Second Chances

New poem, guys. This is for the lovely people out there that keep giving people second chances and for some reason, it doesn’t seem to work out for you. Hold on guys. I promise you that things will get better. Enjoy!

I remember it all too well,

This feeling of a broken existence.

I cry out my feelings,

But I don’t give you the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

We went to our favourite café,

And ordered the usual.

All of the happy memories spent here,

With your laugh and smile

Over a cup of coffee,

Have been replaced with this empty feeling.

Your eyes filled with tears,

As you spoke three little words:

“I am sorry.”

Words so meaningless and hollow to me.

I have been here too many times.

I am sick of this constant replay of events.

For once, can this movie end differently?

Where the girl gets the guy,

No complications, no bullshit,

And live happily ever after.

But this isn’t a fairy tale!

This is reality!

“Please forgive me. I am nothing without you.”

There it is again!

I am nothing without you,


That phrase has been overplayed

Through your lips,

The same beautiful performance that comes so easily to you.

But this time, it has a new effect on me.

It sickens my stomach,

It causes my teeth to clench,

And my heart to boil over.

My mind and heart can’t take it anymore.

My big heart led me to these repetitive acts of forgiveness.

Time and time again, it ends the same way,

I’m stuck in a time loop,

And the only way out is to cut you out,

Cut you out like a poison in my veins.

My small bit of sadness is replaced,

With exhilarating joy.

The sight of your tears and the look of realisation in your eyes,

That it is over,

That it is really over,

Excites me.

Too see your heart break,

Enthrals me.

For once, you are the one filled with sadness.

For once, I am not giving you a

Second chance.

Out of Reach

New poem, guys. Hope yee like it!!

I walk around each passing day,

Looking…. Searching!

I’m searching for signs of you,

Of your dark brown locks,

Your knowing smile and your tuneful laugh.

I walk down the familiar streets of our town,

And I see flashing images of,

The joyful skipping you used to do

Down cobbled streets,

The way your hair danced to its own beat,

The way you looked on sunny days

With your hair tied back,

Letting the world see those beautiful green eyes!

I saw you for who you were!

I saw you as this pure

Unadulterated thing that was untouched

By unknown evils.

I could reach out,

And just touch you!

Then I knew everything was going to be okay.

Until it wasn’t!

You became invisible in my sight!

Whenever I did see you, I was a stranger in your eyes.

Those green eyes I once loved so deeply,

Turned ice cold.

I tried to reach out to you,

But it was like I was nothing to you.

My calls went unanswered!

My texts…..unseen!

I could no longer touch you!

I would walk down the streets of our town…

But they no longer feel familiar.

It is now hostile, unknown territory

I feel lost without you!

You’re so far away from me

You are forever out of my reach.