Medals of Honour

I wouldn’t say this is my best poem but I’m proud of it at the same time! I dedicate this poem to those people who believe that their problems or struggles are not big enough to tell anyone or to the ones that just don’t have anyone in their lives that listens/understands these problems! Enjoy and see ye in the next post.

 

Deemed with tokens of war,

For all the battles I have faced.

Given such rewards is an honour.

I should be proud of these

But I am not!

They symbolise my battles,

But battles I have not won.

They just cover up my mistakes,

My failures

And my scars.

I am no war hero.

I was just a pawn that came out

The other end.

True heroes come across my path,

They deserve such tokens I was given

For their bravery and sacrifices.

I’m ashamed to tell my war stories.

I am not worthy enough to tell

Such stories.

My scars, misunderstood and

Deemed minuscule.

But I’d gladly take away the pain

Of these heroes

So that they can breathe again

And fight another day.

Click

Updating a new poem. I wouldn’t consider this one of my best but I got inspired by the last theme from Stanzas: the Internet. The Internet is very vast and constantly expanding. It is also filled with many dangers. I have a few friends in my life that experienced cyber bullying or the Internet changed their way of thinking. So I wrote this poem with that idea in mind. Enjoy and be safe on the Internet.

 

Life begins on a computer screen,

The internet allows for

Numerous possibilities.

Click,

A new browser appears.

Click,

A new profile is produced.

A window for me to place new photos,

Statues on a wall,

And add new people into my life!

Life is simpler on a computer screen.

Friends can be sorted into categories:

Best, close, acquaintances and non-existent

Click,

I just unfriended you.

So simple.

Click,

Get numerous likes on statuses and pictures

That presents a new identity.

Certain pictures get me likes,

Certain statuses get me noticed.

More likes lead to a boosted ego

And an alternate life.

Click,

Send revealing pictures.

Click,

Blocking all friends,

Till there is nothing left.

Click,

Life is now empty.

Mistakes building and never disappear.

The internet, a once free source,

Spreads these misgivings and lies,

Like a virus.

Click,

Life destroyed.

Friends list gone,

Statuses are fewer,

Profile is non-existent.

Computer screen smashed,

Soul shattered.

And the remaining pieces manifest,

Mould into a beast,

Cold and non-forgiving.

A creature of the internet’s own creation!

The Anomaly

New poem updated 🙂 Enjoy

You caused no major disruptions,

Kept to yourself.

Until you started to open up,

Let the demons haunting you out,

Trusting others with your thoughts

And undefined emotions.

You were a strange creature,

I felt you were misunderstood!

Unique!

You called yourself an “anomaly”.

That’s one way of putting it.

You were invisible in people’s sights,

But once we saw you, you became

Monstrous!!

Your unique gazes turned manic

It led to your desire for payback!

I bit back with a vengeance,

But I could barely form a sentence!

I froze and lost the battle

Against a modern day Hitler!

I was left with the memories

Of our interactions,

Of the moments of clarity,

Of purity.

And knowing that they were the lies

That led to my breakdown.

Second Chances

New poem, guys. This is for the lovely people out there that keep giving people second chances and for some reason, it doesn’t seem to work out for you. Hold on guys. I promise you that things will get better. Enjoy!

I remember it all too well,

This feeling of a broken existence.

I cry out my feelings,

But I don’t give you the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

We went to our favourite café,

And ordered the usual.

All of the happy memories spent here,

With your laugh and smile

Over a cup of coffee,

Have been replaced with this empty feeling.

Your eyes filled with tears,

As you spoke three little words:

“I am sorry.”

Words so meaningless and hollow to me.

I have been here too many times.

I am sick of this constant replay of events.

For once, can this movie end differently?

Where the girl gets the guy,

No complications, no bullshit,

And live happily ever after.

But this isn’t a fairy tale!

This is reality!

“Please forgive me. I am nothing without you.”

There it is again!

I am nothing without you,

Really?

That phrase has been overplayed

Through your lips,

The same beautiful performance that comes so easily to you.

But this time, it has a new effect on me.

It sickens my stomach,

It causes my teeth to clench,

And my heart to boil over.

My mind and heart can’t take it anymore.

My big heart led me to these repetitive acts of forgiveness.

Time and time again, it ends the same way,

I’m stuck in a time loop,

And the only way out is to cut you out,

Cut you out like a poison in my veins.

My small bit of sadness is replaced,

With exhilarating joy.

The sight of your tears and the look of realisation in your eyes,

That it is over,

That it is really over,

Excites me.

Too see your heart break,

Enthrals me.

For once, you are the one filled with sadness.

For once, I am not giving you a

Second chance.

Godly Love

This poem is based off the 1988 movie, Heathers which stars Winona Ryder and Christian Slater. This poem is based off the character of J.D in the movie. After watching the movie with a few friends, we discussed about J.D containing the traits of a sociopath such as no true affection towards another human being, no remorse for the pain he has caused etc. Discussing this topic birthed the idea for this poem. Could I write in the point of view of this character that is really different to me? It was fun to write. A great challenge. Hope yee enjoy it and I recommend Heathers as a movie yee should watch.

With the turn of my words,

You were mesmerised!

With the twist of a blade,

You were mine!

With the manic of my stares,

You were inconsolable.

The thoughts of change crossing your mind,

Shattered in your eyes.

You hoped for a resolution,

An end that would lead to our beginning.

I could never change,

That was your mistake.

With a puff of smoke,

And the freedom in your eyes,

My resolution came.

I finally became yours.

Forever.

Out of Reach

New poem, guys. Hope yee like it!!

I walk around each passing day,

Looking…. Searching!

I’m searching for signs of you,

Of your dark brown locks,

Your knowing smile and your tuneful laugh.

I walk down the familiar streets of our town,

And I see flashing images of,

The joyful skipping you used to do

Down cobbled streets,

The way your hair danced to its own beat,

The way you looked on sunny days

With your hair tied back,

Letting the world see those beautiful green eyes!

I saw you for who you were!

I saw you as this pure

Unadulterated thing that was untouched

By unknown evils.

I could reach out,

And just touch you!

Then I knew everything was going to be okay.

Until it wasn’t!

You became invisible in my sight!

Whenever I did see you, I was a stranger in your eyes.

Those green eyes I once loved so deeply,

Turned ice cold.

I tried to reach out to you,

But it was like I was nothing to you.

My calls went unanswered!

My texts…..unseen!

I could no longer touch you!

I would walk down the streets of our town…

But they no longer feel familiar.

It is now hostile, unknown territory

I feel lost without you!

You’re so far away from me

You are forever out of my reach.

Turn It Off

I watch people pass me by and I wonder what their life is like. For example, does that guy have a loving wife and does she treat him right or why does that teenager look so worried? What does she have to worry about? She is still so young. I watch people enjoying their lives with smiles on their faces and having no signs of regrets across their eyes. They have the simpler life.

Whereas, I walk around with a weight hanging on my shoulders and heart. Something is eating away at me, a voice. No, not just one voice, several voices. I don’t recognise them. They haunt my thoughts and dreams with statements such as “you’re worthless,” “you’ll never make it” and “no one knows you exist.” Sometimes, these voices take the shape of loved ones I have lost such as my Aunt Anne.

They escape my mind and manifest into real apparitions. I saw my Aunt Anne today. She sat next to me while I was having my lunch. She was so thin that her bones protruded through her skin and her hair fell off into her fidgety hands, leaving bald spots on her head (Cancer is a slow and painful death). She looked at me and said gurgling through blood that was flowing from her mouth “You’re nothing.”

My mother feared these afflictions. She wanted to get help for me. She brought me to a psychiatrist and she got me taking prescription drugs. They make me dizzy and emotionally drained but they don’t stop the wars in my mind. I was called every nasty thing you could think of such as “Crazy”, “the freak”. My particular favourite was the “modern-day Norman Bates.” I didn’t concern myself with the nastiness of young people. I had my own problems. I couldn’t turn it off. I couldn’t turn off the horrid voices in my head. The meds couldn’t stop them and they did not rest. I could still hear them when I slept. There was no off-switch. That is until I met you!

You were a stranger to me. You took a chance with me when you came over to talk to me that Tuesday in French class. You didn’t treat me like an insect that needed to be squished. You didn’t see me as a freak just like everyone else did. You saw me as a person and that felt nice. As time went on, we spent more time together. Your laugh lit me up in my dark days and your touch electrified my body. We went out to bars and drank. You introduced me to tequila shots which caused my eyes to burn. You got me into new music such as Fleetwood Mac and the Killers. At first, I fought off my afflictions when I was around you. I didn’t want you to see the demons that were clawing inside my brain. But, I started to realise that the voices in my head became mute whenever I was around you. I could finally turn it off. I was no longer held back by my condition. I began to laugh more and I felt free for the first time in my life.

But the voices were right all along. I am worthless and I’ll never be able to make it in this world. The voices were gone for now but that does not mean they won’t come back. I didn’t want you to get involved with someone like me. A person who has to see a psychiatrist three times a week, who has to take 5 different drugs to dull their senses, who wakes up in a cold sweat or panics when she sees something that she knows isn’t real but who is still terrified of them. I couldn’t do that to you.

So I let you go by lying. I told you that you meant nothing to me. I told you that I used you to blow off steam. You denied the statements I was proclaiming but I remained strong and continued ramming them into you. It was hard seeing you coming to the realisation that I was serious and that this was over.

Everything started crashing down after that. The walls I built for myself came crumbling down and my demons came back with a vengeance. But they were almost nurturing towards me. They knew I would come back to them and that terrified me. Now, I question myself on whether or not, I made the right choice. I was a fool to let you go. You were the one good thing in my life and I ruined it. You made me feel safe. I guess it’s my turn to keep you safe and keeping you away from me is safe. I’m a ticking time-bomb just waiting to explode! It’s only a matter of time.

 

This extract is a work of fiction. I dedicate this extract to young people who suffer from mental illnesses. Stay strong and if you seek help, tell someone you trust.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Devotion

Devotion is defined as having love/loyalty to someone or some religion you follow. To me, devotion is lacking in this society. People have started hating the world around them and they can’t trust anyone anymore.

The world is a cruel and shitty place, let’s be honest! There are a lot of terrible people in this world who would rather see you burn at the stake then help you. Some of those people may even end up as dictators one days and would lead to even more chaos and hatred in the world. Trust and devotion is a foreign concept to someone like me.

I’d look at people around me making friends and letting them in on their secrets. Why tell anyone your secrets? Why trust anyone with your inner thoughts and with who you are? Ultimately, they are going to disappoint you. They are going to betray you and make you question who you are. Why give someone that power over you? Trust is myth or it has just become obsolete.

I’d look at couples holding hands or the intimacy between friends and think: all of that is pointless because it doesn’t last. They are just setting themselves up for heartbreak. I felt I was making the right choice, distancing myself from people. Being alone and not letting anyone in kept me safe.

Then I met “The Twins”. I don’t even know how to begin describing them to you. They were forces of nature, one being the fearless and strong person and the other who was peaceful and had a heart of gold. They had a devotion and trust in each other that I had never seen before.

Their friendship wasn’t faked or short-lived. Their friendship was real.

They would die for each other and that brought a tear to my eye. They would never betray each other. After meeting them, I could no longer say that trusting people is stupid and worthless. It is possible to trust someone with your whole being and know you trusted the right person.

“The Twins” had that. It changed my perspective on trust. Trusting people isn’t a fruitless effort. Their trust in each other allowed me to see the possibility of maybe finally opening up to someone. Letting people in is the hard part but once you trust them, the horrors of the world seems far away. If you trust one person, it makes everything in life easier. You don’t have go through these things alone.

Dedicated to the two coolest girls in my life that I have the pleasure in calling them my friends.