Struggling

I had a new blog post almost ready to post about tips for Nanowrimo, but some reason, WordPress wont let me edit it. So I decided to just do a post talking to you about what has been happening with me lately. I just saw that the last time I posted was the 18th of October. A whole month of not posting. I’m sorry about that, but I have been busy.

 

Some of you may remember that I am doing my Masters degree in college at the moment. It was been an enlightening experience, but awful at the same time. I’m in the 9th week of the 12 week semester and I have so much assignments due. I have a presentation in 2 weeks and 3 more essays due. Its rough. The last couple of weeks, I have been waking up early in the morning to spend my day, in the library and going to classes.

College is no longer fun. I have been feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. But I cant sleep, because work needs to be done. Also I work at the weekends, so college work is out of the question. I do a nine hour swift of work and all I want to do is sleep when I get home. Ive been praying everyday for the Christmas holidays to come. Thats how bad its gotten.

I also dont feel intelligent enough to be in this programme. I’m surrounded by these incredibly intelligent people and I feel like I’m just fumbling along. I use to feel confident in my academic field, but in the Masters, I feel inadequate.

 

The good news is I may have an idea for my Masters thesis. Thats good at least. Need to start early. Ill do a little research during the Christmas holidays, but not too much. Ill need to sleep for days, when the semester is over. To those who think that the Masters is an easy year in college and just want to procrastinate before going into the real world, the Masters will chew you up and spit you out, at that rate.

Sorry about the disappearing act. Ill try better to post, but I am going to be busy for the next few weeks. Be patient with me. I promise Ill post again soon. Hope ye had a nice day and Ill talk to you in the next post.

Advertisements

New project and college – A Work in Progress #3

Hey, I’m back with another update on my novel.

And….

Its not going well.

I havent written a single word on my novel and it frustrates me to no end. The problem is, I’m still stuck on the planning phase. I will be hitting a year of planning in November, and I havent written a single word.

Here what you need to know about me: I never plan anything out. When it comes to my writing, I come up with an idea and run with it. I dont stop to think, and I just write. It has usually worked out for me. However, after I took the creative writing class in college last year, I decided that I would plan this novel out. I shall sit down and think about it. This novel is so important to me. I wanted to do it right. But now, I feel unaccomplished.

I want to write it, but I dont have the nerve or inspirational drive to do it.

And now….

I have a new idea for a completely different project. The one thing I hate most of all about being a writer, is that your brain never stops thinking. It never stops imagining new possibilities to create. I dont want to move onto this new project without working on my novel. This novel is my baby, and it isn’t coming along as easily as I had hoped.

Plus, I’m back in college. I have finished my undergraduate and going into my Masters degree. I’m moving up in the world. But that means I’ll be working on my thesis next year, and I wont be able to write. I want to succeed in my academia and writing will affect that.

So….there it is. My life has become a little hectic lately. My novel has frozen in place, and this new project is eating away at me.

The new project is going to working on poetry, instead of a novel. I said I would never write a poetry book. Well, guess what. Its happening!!!! I have written a few poems already. Why not do two projects at once??

Write poetry, as well as, write my novel. Mhmm…but I dont have the time. We shall see, I suppose.

Thats my most recent update on my projects. I’m excited to be doing something new, by planning out a poetry book. However, I want my full attention on my novel and my studies. It has been difficult. I hope it will turn out well. Sorry for the short post today. I just felt like updating you on my progress. Since I’m back in college, blogging will be a little more difficult. I intend to continue blogging while in college. It shall be my escape during the tough days of college, however, I may miss a few days. So be patient with me. I will have something posted…eventually.

Just Thinking (Update)

Things are looking up.

 

I got excellent results in my college exams and that means I get to do my masters in September. Also, I recently got a job so I am feeling much better after my last blog post. Everything seems to be going well. However, I feel stuck. I am being told I need to go down one path for my career. You need to get a “real career” in order to have a great life. Start a family, get a home and then pursue your dreams. What does that even mean? Get a “real career”?! Does it mean for me to become a lawyer or a teacher? To follow the status quo and get a job just for the sake of security or what society deems a “real career.”

I want to have a career that is creatively stimulating. I just dont want to be stuck in a job that I dont want. And I feel like my plans for the future are going down that route. I watched the film, Still Alice and this scene resonated with me:

 

Recently, I feel like people are telling me what I should do with my life and a lot of their advice makes me feel nauseous. These future plans that are not my own. I just want to get out, get my own place, live my own life, instead of being told what to do.

One of my new years resolutions for 2018 is to send my work out and get published in magazines. I want to try and get published, establish myself in someway as a writer. That is my dream. I want to work as a full-time author which is an undesirable job. “You wont make money out of that”, “What if you are not good enough?”

Well I want to try. My journey is starting this year. As I work on the most important novel I have ever worked on, I am going to start sending out my work everywhere. I cant have this mentality that this wont work out if I dont, at least, try.

Thats what has been happening with me. I hope you are all doing well. It has been a bit of time since I last posted. The review took up too much time, so I decided to just post this. Let you know what has been happening with me. I shall have the review up in a few days. Thanks for being here. I appreciate it. Talk to you next time.

On Hold

Writing has been slow. Actually, I lie. It has not moved at all. I have been passionate about this novel idea for the past several months. However, I have been unable to buckle down with my pen and paper to write it down. Begin this journey that I have been dying to do. But everything gets in the way.

 

First, my final year project (FYP).

 

I got the idea for my novel in the cusp of writing my FYP. I had no time to stop my project to write this idea I have. So I pushed it off. I have been taking down notes and slowly planning my novel. But I didn’t plan that much. My FYP took up all of my time, my energy and my passion. If this project is meant to be the major part of my final grade this semester, I will work my hardest to get the best grade I can. So 99.9% of my attention has been on my FYP until I submitted it on March 1st.

 

Second, the last half of my college semester.

 

After my FYP was submitted, i took a week of rest where I could relax and enjoy the peace. However, that didn’t mean the work stopped. The rest of the semester came and the rest of the assignments came with it. Essay after essay after essay have been piling on and I haven’t had time since my FYP has been finished. Ah well, the work has to be done and I don’t have long left before I am finished for the semester.

 

Lastly, my final year of college.

 

I cant believe it has been 4 years already. It went so fast and met so many incredible people. I only have 2 weeks left in college and 1 more exam, then I am finished. I am graduating and that is an odd sensation or fact to comprehend. Life will go on but Ill miss those college days. I truly met some amazing people and I hope to keep them in my life as we all achieve success in our careers. So it has been a strange year for me as my college days come to the end. I hope to be back to do a Masters next year but it wont be the same. My focus is currently working hard to get the best grades so I can continue my studies in my Masters degree.

My novel has been put on hold until I can sort out my college first. I will be finished in 2 to 3 weeks so I hope to start up my novel then. I hope to finish my planning and start writing very soon after college finishes. I hope to have you on this journey with me. But for now, Ill post more stuff on my blog. Word on the novel wont come until the summertime. Stay tuned for the blogs I will be posting for the next few weeks and let me know what you think. Until next time, I hope to see you there.

I’m Back

To all my blog readers, I am back. Sorry I have been gone for a while. Why, may you ask? Partly because I am terrible at keeping a blog schedule and mostly because I have been writing my FYP. In your final year in college, you have to write a 9,000 to 13,000 word project on whatever topic you want. Should be fun, right? It was partly but it also involved a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Due to this project, I have not had the time to read and write for pleasure and that has been rough. I am proud of my project but I guess we will see when the results come out (crying on the inside).

However, I am now free. My project has been submitted and I am finally free to read, write and blog. I felt like restarting my blog again because I am about to embark on something that I am really looking forward to: writing my first proper novel. I have written a novel before, not a very good one and I haven’t laid my eyes on it for years. But this current project I am working on is near and dear to my heart. This story I feel will be the story I am most proud of. I think I have found what I want to write about. And since I have finished my FYP, I am planning on starting this journey of writing this novel and I am taking you along with me. Unfortunately, I won’t be sharing any of the story details on my blog, but I will be sharing the story behind the making of this novel. I will let you know the ups and downs while writing this novel, any tips I can give about writing etc. I shall also start up my old series again of favourite authors, among other things. I have a lot to talk about that I haven’t got a chance to. I am glad to be back. I hope you can stick with me throughout this journey and I intend to keep a proper posting schedule this time. Okay, I shall see you in the next post x

College Work! HELP!!!

“College is going to be great”, “they said! Its going to be easy”, they said! All lies! I am in my second year of college and shit just got real. Its half way through my first semester and I can feel the heat. Three assignments due each week and winter exams are coming up. And there is a social life I must contend with. How am I supposed to plan all of these things out?? And my family seems to think I have it easy and when I do tell them that I have no time to do anything except my college work, they sigh.

What sprouted this post is that yesterday morning after doing a couple hours work in the wee hours of the morning, I decided to eat some tea and toast and watch Dark Obsessions for a break. The minute my mum came into the sitting room and saw me watching television, she said, “I thought you had college work to do”. I am already stressed enough, mum. I don’t need you to stress me out even more! I haven’t even had the energy to write these couple of weeks. It has become a problem. The last time I wrote something was a week before my birthday in October and I am going to perform that at the next Stanzas. Im excited for that because that will be one night where I can forget all the mounting college work I have to do! Bright side of all of this: I have only 2-3 weeks left in college! CHRISTMAS!!!

Sorry about this post. I just needed to rant. I will post as soon as the majority of my work has died down. Have a great day everyone! See yee in the next post