Nanowrimo – My Failure

So I just got through the first couple weeks of Nanowrimo and….

I’m failing. Miserably.

The first day was pretty okay. I did a small amount of words. But I wasnt too concerned as I had the day off on Saturday to catch up on my word count. Now you may be asking, how did it all go so wrong?

Easy…I got sick. I got hit with the flu the second day into Nanowrimo, and since then, my progress has plummeted.

Every time I opened my computer, my mind went blank. Too foggy to actually attempt to write. But I have done something. I began the project I wanted to write for so long. I have it under the name “Project Zero.”

20191102_144945.jpg

It had a shaky beginning, but the hardest thing to do is start a novel. But I’m super proud I started it. But so far, I feel like a failure. I think that’s the downside to Nanowrimo. You fall off the rails and you feel like crap for not staying on top of it. But I should feel accomplished in starting the project. I’m much further than I was a month ago.

Also writers block has hit me again. But it will happen. I started writing again after so long, so the writers block will hit harder. I find it harder to jump into novel writing or short story writing. However, I still feel inspired to write. So when I have found difficulty to write my novel, I jump into my poetry project. It has evolved more this past month and I feel proud of that. “Project Cherophobia” has become a more personal endeavour and writing it has made me happier. I still need to find the structure of it and I still have more to write for it. I feel like it is a cushion for the work I am trying to do in Project Zero. When I hit a wall, I jump back to Project Cherophobia.

But so far, I have found Nanowrimo extremely difficult. I got the flu and im working all the time. I just find it hard to sit down and write. But I still pick up my phone and try to jot down some pieces of inspiration I get. So I haven’t lost complete hope. I’m way behind on my goal to hit 50,000 words by the end of the month. But at this point, I just want to write what I can. I started the projects and I feel proud. I dont regret starting Nanowrimo for that reason. I wouldnt have the initiative to start without Nanowrimo.

But let’s see how the rest of the month pans out. I hope you are all doing well in your Nanowrimo endeavours. But the point of the Nanowrimo is to write the story you’ve always wanted to tell. Dont get bogged down on the short comings or the low word count. Have fun with the writing and you’ll accomplish a large amount within a month. Talk to you in the next post.

Format and A Slump – A Work in Progress #2

Hey guys.

I am returning to you with a new update on the novel I am working on currently. It is going extremely slow. I cant find any inspiration at the moment. I havent written anything in a while and that sucks. I need to get back into that mindset and the only way to do that is through reading. I need to read a lot more. I have the time for it. I have a book lined up, ready for me to read. Its called Asking For It by Louise O’ Neill. I have heard great things about Louise and her work. I had this book for a while but never got around to reading it. I’m looking forward to reading it. I may do a review on it when I’m finished. But don’t expect that post to be up for another while. (I am a slow reader).

Currently, I have been stuck trying to find a job. I’m applying for everywhere and anything. Nothing. I don’t have that much experience so it puts me at a disadvantage. No one will give me a second look. But I cant find my through line. What will get someone interested? How can I get them to take a second look and ignore my CV? It has been hard and heart-breaking. Since I finished college, I have started my search for a job. So I havent been in the right state of mind to write. My plan is to submit my work to magazines and competitions this year, so to give myself a chance at building a portfolio for writing. I would love to live out my dream of being a full-time author or to work on a creative team for the arts. But that’s not the world we live in.

Anyway, enough of the sad parts. Not only have I been busy with life, I have also hit a slump with my novel. I’m stuck on a particular character and the form of my book. I got this crazy idea a few days ago. What if my novel was in the form of numerous short stories that connected with different characters or a particular place. I find my strength in writing is through short stories and  in some way, I thought that a novel filled with short stories sounded like a good idea. Honestly, I don’t know if that particular format would work for the story I’m trying to tell. But it is definitely something worth thinking about.

As for the character, my story has many diverse characters with different struggles. However, this character has got me in a bit of a pickle. I feel like she is too one-dimensional. The idea for her came from the formation of a one-sided relationship. Her and a male character in the story share this strong bond, but she was always on the outside, looking in. She was forever out of his reach. They were close but also apart. For her character, I felt like she was coming off as a jealous and hateful person. Her whole character seems to centre on her male friend and that is not realistic. Her character just doesn’t seem to have depth and I know there is more to her. I just havent found her yet.

Struggles of being a writer.

I have been going through each character again to flush them out a bit more. I don’t want to just jump in and start writing when I have no idea where my characters are going. I have done that before and I failed miserably.

It hasn’t been a great couple of weeks. But somehow Ill get through it. The bad days will go and the good days will come back. This is just a slump that I will conquer. And I know writing will help. Just keep writing.

Misfit Toy

Hey everyone. I know it has been a while. In all honesty, i haven’t been writing a lot lately. That upsets me. I used to write everyday to keep my mind active. Now, it has kind of lessened. Im setting out to change that. Also, i wanted to come back onto my blog. I like updating stuff here and get feedback from other writers on WordPress. I hope to start updating again. I even have plan for a new blog series, just like my interview with a writer series. I shall update that very soon. But for now, here is a poem i wrote before my few months of writers block. Hope you enjoy it:

Misfit toy

 

Broken

Disfigured

Maimed

Observed from eager eyes of

Blood thirsty audiences

They marvel,

They spit,

They cheer,

They jeer,

Whatever tickles their fancy.

I, always under the watchful eye

Of the Master

Master of tricks,

Mind or otherwise.

My “difference”,

Gains him enjoyment.

My “afflictions”,

Give him power.

As i get smaller and smaller

In my caged existence,

He gets bigger and bigger

More sinister and more power hungry.

His laughs fill my mind

With poison.

“Your only worth,

Your only job is to please me”

The horrifying gurgle of his voice

Fills my thoughts

And corrupts my mind.

The master of my own affliction…

And the audience fill the stage

To watch my fall,

My grand finale.

I am done.

This misfit toy has played

Its part

Emotional Block

Strange! For once, my writing isn’t helping me. Let me explain. Recently, I have been having a lot personal problems lately. And I could always turn to my pen and paper and that writing will let it go away. That my feelings will escape from my heart and onto a piece of paper. The burden is gone. I have let my feelings out. I don’t have to keep it bottled up. But not this time. Recently, I was feeling down and I ended writing my first prose in months. After writing, I didn’t down anymore. I actually felt nothing! Just a numbness. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and watch a movie with hot chocolate. This has never happened to me before. I could always rely on my writing to get me out of a funk. I guess this time I am having more of an emotional block, than writers block. I rely a lot on my emotions for my writing. I guess I am feeling too much to even process what I am writing! Honestly, I don’t know. I just found it strange.

Anyway, hope ye are having a great weekend. Sorry, I haven’t been updating recently but ill try and get another post up soon enough. Until then, have a great week.

College Work! HELP!!!

“College is going to be great”, “they said! Its going to be easy”, they said! All lies! I am in my second year of college and shit just got real. Its half way through my first semester and I can feel the heat. Three assignments due each week and winter exams are coming up. And there is a social life I must contend with. How am I supposed to plan all of these things out?? And my family seems to think I have it easy and when I do tell them that I have no time to do anything except my college work, they sigh.

What sprouted this post is that yesterday morning after doing a couple hours work in the wee hours of the morning, I decided to eat some tea and toast and watch Dark Obsessions for a break. The minute my mum came into the sitting room and saw me watching television, she said, “I thought you had college work to do”. I am already stressed enough, mum. I don’t need you to stress me out even more! I haven’t even had the energy to write these couple of weeks. It has become a problem. The last time I wrote something was a week before my birthday in October and I am going to perform that at the next Stanzas. Im excited for that because that will be one night where I can forget all the mounting college work I have to do! Bright side of all of this: I have only 2-3 weeks left in college! CHRISTMAS!!!

Sorry about this post. I just needed to rant. I will post as soon as the majority of my work has died down. Have a great day everyone! See yee in the next post

Writers Block! HELP!

Recently, I have been in a runt. I can’t place my thoughts onto paper. Every time, I place a pen in my hand and try to write, I freeze! This can only be one thing: Writers Block. This becomes a bitch for writers. If you are writing an essay for college or writing a poem, Writers Block can stop you in your tracks. It’s like a wall is dividing up your mind. The creative part of your brain is separated from the rest and shut down. All that is left is the logical part of your brain.

Formulating words and placing them onto paper becomes a struggle. I have been ripping my hair out for the last few days trying to get rid of the block. I have been filling my days with watching addictive television shows (Game of Thrones) and watching YouTubers playing hilarious challenges (Smosh and Pewdiepie) – Don’t judge me. And I still couldn’t get out of my predicament. One of the things that aid me in writing is listening to music. Once I acquire an idea, I start listening to my playlists on my phone and the idea expands in my mind.

That hasn’t been working for me for the last few days. It is really frustrating! My way of dealing with it is to wait for it to pass. Stay away from my notebook and take time to let your mind rest. Spend the time watching ridiculous shows, videos and meet up with friends. Luckily, Writers Block doesn’t last forever. It will pass and you’ll be able to write again J

And if you still find yourself unable to get rid of the block, look up some tips online *shrugs* It can happen to anyone and it can be a pain in the ass.

Have a lovely day, everyone.